Thursday, January 19, 2012

Confused


Did you ever get so confused that you don't even know you are confused and things just get crazier and crazier? That's me these past few weeks and yesterday I realized it. How did it sink into my brain? It was when I saw an Animal Wednesday post and a dim thought crossed my head of "Why are they posting an Animal Wednesday post when it's just an ordinary Wednesday and not an "animal" Wednesday?"

What the hell?

What is my brain up to?

I actually know what it's up to and it can't fool me ha ha!! It's hiding it's head in the sand so to speak, and not actually dealing with the issues that have come up at work. It's believing the people who say "oh don't worry, we'll find a job for you here, you won't be let go" but then there is the OTHER part of my brain that is NOT hiding in the sand and is saying "oh yeah? well show me the money!" and the two brains are battling it out and using me as a Frisbee. One part has me up at 4:00 am every day trying to get ready to go to work early to show what a good hard worker I am and the other part has me snuggling back in bed until at least 5;30 and then lolling around the house and not getting to work until 8:00 am.

The part I call "Ossie" (for obvious reasons....where do ostrich's live anyway?) has been sabotaging me in very subtle ways - forcing me to forget to take my nightly twitchy leg meds so that I toss and turn all night and then get up early and it tries to make me think I want to go to work. The clever part who I've named "MIM" realizes this subterfuge and relaxes in front of the computer visiting blogs with that extra hour and posts crazy posts about forgetting about Wednesdays.

It ain't easy dealing with two brains right now, so please forgive any odd behavior, odd comments, stray posts. I will eventually force Ossie back into her closet and if she wants to keep her head in the sand so be it - as long as MIM rules.

Do you see why I'm confused???

14 comments:

kj said...

my dear dearest mim, i'm not so sure ossie has her head in the sand. maybe she is stretching that elegant neck and able to see over the riff and the raff to what's most important to mim.

maybe mim secretly likes, needs, appreciates, wants, ponders the notion of a new chapter in life, swishing in new waters, doodling without objectives, managing from the chaotic place of ms em and good old faith and water colors.

i ms kj your friend have complete confidence that all will be well. please tell ossie to tell mim. not to say i don't understand the nervous nellies. but please ask mim to check that spreadsheet again. there is evidence that the future is bright.

p.s. i'm up early too, scheming how NOT to work and how to PLAY instead

p.s.s. ♥

Robin said...

How well I understand *both* Ossie and Mim. That was my exact situation in 2009... and it really is so stressful. All you can do - is well, all you can do. Try to concentrate on Mim - and her goals.
Your company should know how invaluable you are - and hopefully, they will keep you on staff. In the meantime, you have time to test the artistic waters.....there IS a future for Miss Em....and you are so talented in many other genres of art...what you need to work on is finding someone to help showcase your talent.

You ARE our Animal Wednesday Commander! It is never as much fun as it is when you have posted!

Take that leg medicine! Now that I am coping with knee issues - I can sympathise....and you need to get as much sleep as you can....not be uncomfortable with a *twitchy* leg! Listen to *Dr. Lamb*!

Love,

♥ Dr. Lamb ♥ A-ha-ha!!

Lynn said...

It must be a tad scary (Ossie)scary as hell (Mim) to know you are going to be "let go" at work in a years time. I imagine Mim wants to be looking for new work checking all possiblities hoping to find the perfect next job on the horizon; and Ossie is too scared to even contemplate looking because denial feels so much better right now. I have no doubt the scared but brave Mim will win out! And so what if we voted to have Animal Wednesday every other week, but you didn't get the message?
Hang in there dear friend, the best job is coming to you now. Visualize it!
Hugs!!!

~Babs said...

Cofusion? Aaaaah, yes, I've been there too.
Almost happy to have a broken foot,so I could legitimately not go to work. Driving to Dallas with the broken foot to see Jack born.Feeling I should have felt guilty, but didn't.
Confused.
To retire,to not retire,,,a struggle I had with my 2 selves for 3 years.
Confused.
Finally one day all was revealed and I was no longer confused. Your day will come too,,,it will be clear,and it will all be more than okay.

sukipoet said...

Oh yes. This transition place, with one foot in here and one foot in there, is very confusing. Especially if you are the type of person who wants certainties and wants things settled. But i think it is a rich place to be.

In shambala training there were several things said about confusion.

"Trust in your confusion. Confusion means your usual logic is breaking down"

"Take delight when you get lost, explore it."

"Rest in the moment. Rest in your discomfort, awkwardness, confusion. They are not solid and will develop spaciousness."

My thoughts are with you Mim. Keep on creating. Hugs, suki

yoborobo said...

Ah, don't you just love change? :) Sometimes, not so much, right? Especially the uncertain kind, where you don't know where you stand, and you mind gets to play out all the 5,000 possibilities (usually at 3am). I feel for you. I hope all things settle out soon, and that life gets a steady beat that you can dance to. ;) xox

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Wish I had some sage wisdom to bestow on you but all I have is a hearing ear to listen. Sometimes just getting it out there helps tons. My word Veri is...reching. kind of fits doesnt it. :)

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Obviously you are under a lot of stress Mim. I don't know how you work, post and do so much art. You are an amazing human being. You need time for yourself. You need a new job. Start hunting. You need less stress. You need hugs... here are big hugs. ()()()()()()()()

BT said...

Aw Mim, in spite of your 2 conflicting brains, that was a very astute post and tells us all exactly how you and Ossie are feeling. Confused indeed. We are about to embark on another big change (heading back to the UK) fairly soon and I hate all that not knowing whether I'm here or there so I sit and read blogs and try and forget the coming chaos. I'm sure, as the others have said, all will become clear and whatever the steps, you will take them with a clear brain and banish Ossie back to the wardrobe!

studio lolo said...

There are so many good comments and observations here, I'm just going to ditto them all!

I couldn't even imagine you not landing squarely on your feet ;)

big hugs to you. All will be revealed and it will be fine. I just know it. You have to believe it too, both of you!

xo
Lo♥

soulbrush said...

You write it all so clearly, I don't see any confusion here at all. It is all very well for us to reassure you -but only you can live through this one to the very end. But a year is so far away- I am not surprised you want to bury your head in the sand- and why shouldn't you??
Has your art arrived yet?

Katiejane said...

You do sound a little erratic and mixed up. Maybe you need a day at a spa and a nice, calming massage. Try not to get too wound up over this. Things work out the way they will and there's usually not much we can do about them.

Annie said...

Mim, I know about this one. There is always lots of uncertain stuff going on in my life and I have learned to let it be what it is.
No worries, it never helps. And what kind of job do you have where 8 is a late arrival time?!! That is early where I come from!
Good luck and hugs. xoxo

PAK ART said...

I had no idea you were going through that stress at work...you have hidden it well, until it crops back up. It is hard to not know. I would rather have bad news sometimes so I can start planning, rather than not knowing for so long. I don't wish bad news for you, I just wish for answers. Try to stay at peace since there isn't much you can do, except be yourself and be the most wonderful you that you are. Your paper bowl is very pretty - I like the delicateness of it.