Well, it's official now so I can talk about it. The corporation that I work for has decided to sell my division, most probably putting me out of a job eventually. I've know about this for a few weeks, have felt that this was going to happen for many months, but am still pretty depressed at the thought.
In my more up moments, I know that things will work out - that "one door closes and another opens" and all that. I even have a few moments of excitement about taking a few months off. But in my less happy - more honest moments I wonder what the hell I am going to do! I'll probably get a good severance package, but still need an income - especially for decent health insurance.
I've been in this situation before - hell, my last company went bankrupt - but I am older now - less flexible, less willing to pound the pavement looking for something new. I'd move if I had to...but don't want to. I'll do what I need to do...but wish like hell that this hadn't happened. Remember how I was hoping for an unexciting year? Well..if wishes were horses....
I am also coming to grips with what it means to me to work, and to do a good job and be rewarded for it. I get kudos at work. I have a community of friends. I have a place to go everyday, tasks to perform, a routine to follow. I've always been one of those people who say "boy, if I didn't have to work, I'd never be bored" and now I'm afraid that I would get bored, and don't have the impetus to push myself to do something everyday. I know I'm projecting too far into the future - but my way of doing things is to go to the dark side first and then climb out. I've worked full time - with only two week vacations - since 1977! Can you believe that? If I'd been working for the government - I could retire with a pension.
Oh well...I'll start making a list of things that I can/want to do. I could become a dog trainer, or paramedic, or dog walker, or publish Miss Em, or clean houses, or .....I guess I'll figure it all out.
But shit - I'm just not in the MOOD to think about this.....
19 comments:
mim, i want you to know this:
like you i worked full time and big time since i was 22. for the first time in my adult life i took two months off--a summer--and went to ptown to begin to write.
that was five years ago. it was the best thing i ever did. it changed everything for me. nothing looked like it changed, but i knew and whatever i found i will forever hold on to for dear precious life.
i would put my money on you any day.
xoxoxo
kj
mim, i believe like you said, one door closes and another one opens.
your illustrations are so precious i think you should just do that. draw!
shitshitshit!
i was told once many years ago that 'the only things you can rely on in life are death and change!'. a spber thoughyt but a very true one. i am not going to tell you that it will all be okay, because we have to think that- without hope there is nothing, but what I am going to tell you is to cherish and love YOU right now, as you have been and are and will always be a fantastic person who is being challenged every day right now, and you will be grieving for this great loss, so let yourself grieve and let yourself just feel!
love you lots and am thinking about you lots and ms em is waiting for you!
Thanks Ladies...thanks!
Oh Mim. . .I know the feeling all to well. Nearly did me in last year but then I was a single income and it was devastating. My door opened but only 'ajar' at the moment. It's tough. And I know what you mean about kudos. When I'm sticking labels on folder dividers I have to remind myself that I have a degree! A degree in stickers it seems. Good employees find work. Perhaps not exactly what you want but you will find something. You're also fortunate that you have another salary coming in . . it helps. This could be your big year for publishing your stories or drawings? Think outside the square!
the disruption of change is what is so difficult i think. having something familiar taken away sets us in a place of not knowing and transition and limbo. looked at from a "spiritual" perspective such times can be rich in possibility, in knowing ourselves in a new way. It's nice you have Miss Em as she can express some of the thoughts and feelings you may go through as time moves along. blessings, suki
Hang in there Mim. You will find something. I know that losing a job makes you feel like you lose your identity. Anyway that is how I felt when I quit doing what I did for 20 years. I wanted to quit yet I wondered who I was afterward. It takes a little time but all will wash out. Best of luck. Keep that door open for opportunities to walk through.
Oh Mim. When we moved here last year we both decided to take a month off to figure out what we wanted to do. A year later and I'm still not working. I have worked all my life since I was 14. I often had 2 and 3 jobs at a time PLUS doing my art, etc. Now I'm floundering, unsure of what it is I want to do and CAN do at this stage of my life. I've been self-employed for the past 15 years but CA was more open to the kinds of things I do. I find this to be a tough market today, but also where I live is a very tough crowd! I desperately need an income and I also need structure and a purpose.
So what I'm saying is I feel your pain and your worry.
I also believe in you and your skills and that work ethic of yours ;)
And yes, Ms. Em should get out there. She should publish a book on "pearls of wisdom!"
I'm here if I can help in any way, even if you just need a sounding board. ♥
note to all...I am a single income household! millions of reasons...but I'm the breadwinner!!
Oy Vey! (my word verification is "later sin" I kid you not!
I don't think that means you should go out and rob a bank, do you?
These are scary times. I am hearing this more and more...this economy is hurting so many people.
I have many clients who have lost or are losing thier homes...freinds who are losing jobs; ran into one friend at the thrift store, who I want to hire to fix our house/floors/paint etc this summer who told me he'd been out of work (construction worker) for a year, and his teacher wife might be getting laid off, they have four kids, one just starting college; my list goes on... All this to say you are not alone. Oy.
I have no words of wisdom, no platitudes...just hope and prayer that you will find, create, something behind this new door that fits your needs and grows to be something you like as much as the job you are being forced to leave.
And I send hugs.
Ms Em is so industrious. I'm sure she can help too. ;-) Good luck.
Mim, it won't be easy... I am not going to lie. One year ago, I lost my Executive position with Macy*s (after 16 years)...I am still unemployed....have had a few interviews - but have not landed another "good" job. I am alone....my ex left me right after I lost my job....so it's been a hard year... the roughest of my life.
BUT, one good and unexpected thing I found - stopping the daily deadline pressure and finally having time to "smell the roses" - on a Tuesday at 11:00 a.m. or a Friday at 6:00 p.m. has opened my eyes to part of life I had forgotten...
And, the economy is slowly picking up....I think you will be in better shape than I was...and will find a new position quicker.
It is scary - no doubt - but you are a STRONG lady - I have learned this in the few months we have been "blogging friends"...
If I can make it - I have no doubt that YOU will!
Hugs and strength,
♥ Robin ♥
Well, Mim, you and I are most likely in the same boat. I plan on selling my house this summer and moving to a new state, so I too, will be temporarily unemployed. Scary. I have no idea what I may do with myself either. But, on the other hand, kinda fun to think of re-inventing myself.
I wish the best for you. You'll figure something out, I'm sure.
Mim, I'm new to your blog. I wish I had words of comfort for you, but I know how you must feel, since it happened to me as well many years ago.
I decided then that I would live very simply and focus on writing. I was not the only wage-earner, so it was not as bad. But coming out of a job where routine was all and applying that to my writing was sooo good for me. I learned so much about myself.
I hope you do, as well. Take good care of yourself, first and foremost.
Spber thoughyt indeed.
All strength and best wishes Mim.
Well I dont have any wise things to say but I am sorry and hope things work out better then you expect. Love the drawings.
((((((Mim)))))))
that's a hug...
Grrrr, sorry to learn of the disruption and angst this has and will cause. It is easy to tell that you are a hardworking, dedicated, bright and talented person. Hurts when the door slams in your face, hang in there, you have so many friends that are here for support. :)
my darling friend (for life!)
look at all these comments. the kindness and care and love extended to you is because anyone who meets you even once knows how wonderful you are. i love seeing so many wonderful friends here.
and i am beyond happy that you are my friend.
love
kj
it certainly is great to see everyone's comments and support - I know how much that support can mean in stressful times. Thanks all, thanks.....
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