I think the first thing that unsettled me was the fact the ALL the lanai furniture was in the house because of the hurricane threat. I slept in the spare bedroom, but couldn't use the closet or the drawers as they were all blocked by that nasty vinyl web furniture. I've seen it this way before, so have no idea why I was so unsettled by it. Secondly, I'm not that familiar with being there at the same time as my brother, so we kind of got on each others nerves a tiny bit! Thirdly - there is just too much to do! I'm perpetually cleaning when I am there, there is clutter everywhere and I just have the overwhelming urge to organize, or clean. My MIL lives down there now and I have to see her, and the aunts and other cousins. I got the guilt trip from MIL, who wanted me to help with her computer...and from mom who wanted to know why I was with MIL. And one of the aunts is insulted because I didn't see her - all this because I took two hours for myself on Saturday AM to get some essential "beauty" work done. And I wanted to spend time with my brother, who I really adore, and with Dad - who can barely see me when I walk into the room. Somehow it never fell into the rhythm that I usually get going after a day.
Maybe it's just too many changes at once, or the realization that they (the 'rents) are so old and while they are independent now, they will not remain that way for very long. I rely on Mom to be upbeat and to dye her hair red, and to exercise every morning (despite being 85 years old), and to be the "crazy aunt". I rely on Dad to know how the economy is going, and to listen more than he talks, and to throw out a few stories every now and then. I dread a bad illness for mom, where she won't be able to care for herself. I know that Dad is just going to get skinnier and skinnier and be the incredible shrinking man. I know it all, I know it's inevitable, but I hate the thought..and it was enough to get me completely unsettled this weekend.
I'm glad to be home, but wish my parents lived closer so that not every trip would be such a long ordeal; that I could just pop over with dinner, or take them out to Sunday brunch. It's not that it would be easier - but I think it would be better - for them..and for me.