It's two am and I can't sleep. Took us 2 days to get down to Florida but we had fun and stayed at a nasty hotel in Myrtle Beach but got to laugh at it - so that was good.
We got down to Florida to find MIL looking great, feeling great but being told that what she has an inoperable, aggressive, nasty cancer and they can try to help control it but there is no cure.
How does this all come about? How are you told that there is Nothing That They Can Do? Why didn't we know that she had this before it got so bad?
I want to place blame somewhere and there is no where to put that blame. No one screwed up. No one missed reading a test. This just happened.
I'm so used to medicine that works - mechanical solutions that fix-it. Will to live, and will to survive. Push yourself and make it better. To have the Doctors say "we can do little" is unheard of in my family.
To be fair, they aren't really saying that they can't do anything but it is clear that all they can do is help (hopefully) control a growth of an aggressive cancer. Maybe for 6 months, maybe for a year, maybe more.
So we are left simply scratching our heads. We will evaluate all the options, be aggressive enough to be hopeful, yet not so crazy as to make this life a living hell for an 85 year old.
I feel bad for my husband. He lost his dad early on, his sister 5 years ago and now his mother is facing this. Soon there will be no one who remembers him as a little boy in his PJ's. No one who remembers dropping him off at Vic Tanny's for a day of bowling. That last little thread to his nuclear family will be snapping.
And I feel bad for me! I met my future MIL when I was 18 and she was the mom of my college roommate. She's never taught me how to cook anything, or any crafty thing, but she's taught me alot about patience and loving and letting go. She's been thru alot in her life, but she's pretty much always happy, and certainly always ready to have a good time.
I hope and pray that we have some more good times. This past year has been tough for us all, I thought we were coming out of the woods only to find another deeper darker forest in front of us.
But I guess I'll look for a path in those woods...