Monday, November 3, 2008

Something's gotta give

I had a complete meltdown last night. I didn't rant and rave (which I'm proud of) but did pout and whine (which I am not proud of). Of course I realize that I had this meltdown due to burning the candle at both ends for a week, but not burning with a clean flame.

A week of travel, and business dinners (and breakfasts....and lunches...!) and more travel home; then a weekend away with the friends was just too much in a way. During the weekend I didn't draw, knit or read for one tiny minute - we were too busy chattering, hiking or cooking. I had a great time, as I've said - but this morning I realize that I can't keep going on this way and that something has got to go by the wayside. I feel that I can't continue to work as hard as I do to support my little family; exercise and live a healthier lifestyle; be a wife (need I say more...that's A LOT of work!), draw and paint and sew and knit. There are some days when it all seems do-able and there are others when I really feel that I have to choose which direction I am going in.

I would drop knitting but took it up because it was something that I could do and be in the same room as DH while he cooked or watched a movie. I could participate and be with him while not really engaged in his activity.

I can't stop exercising, in fact I need to do more. We bike ride together and hike and I need to boost up the independent exercise routine for health, weight and stamina.

I can't stop working yet - simply can't. I've thought about selling our house, living a simpler lifestyle - but it has to be near a good hospital which knows about transplants - if, god forbid, we need that expertise.

That leaves a choice between being a wife; drawing; and sewing.

Tough choices.

10 comments:

soulbrush said...

I know EXACTLY what you are saying....you need to first get over this hurdle...get rested and get your strength up....then look at it all very carefully, logically and even write things down in columns on a clean white piece of paper. Then start to declutter...slowly one thing at a time. I know personally that I can only devote hours and hours to blogging and commenting and art because I am not working at the moment (will have to go back to work...another story).
Then cut down on what you do,not giving up all the fun things...but steadily pacing yourself (one of the hardest things to do in modern times!) Please don't let ill health force you to depict your decsions, make some very clear and important decisions NOW.The writing is on the wall, do something about it. All of this comes to you with lotsa love and very very strong and sincere affection.
word verification:
waited

sukipoet said...

Mim, I do think you need to take a breather. Rest. Recouperate. No wonder you feel overwhelmed!!! I for one would never have the stamina to do what you do. The trip to California would have been enough to put me into rest mode for a week. But i am an introvert and you must be an extrovert. Besides all you have mentioned here, I think you also mentioned a chorus to which you belong. You can simplify your lifestyle from the house you are now in perhaps. My observation of different personalities is that there are folks who fill each minute with things to do, and will do that no matter where they live. And there are other folks who just naturally live a simplified life. Not that it cant be learned of course.

In any event, treat yourself with kindness and care. Get a massage or something to slow yourself down. Be well, Suki

human being said...

yes sometimes life becomes so bumpy... and with a heavy burden sure one cannot go far...

that list Soulbrush suggested can be of much help... there are always some ways to simplify... to prune... to lessen the pressure....
think the most important thing is your health and spirits...

lots of love and best wishes to you, my dearest friend...

ElizT said...

Blimey!
Makes me tired to read what you do.
Must go and finish that book...

Mim said...

You are all so right and I was truly counting on your advice and understanding. First is...rest! So I'm going home tonight to relax in front of the fire and read a book and probably take a snooze!!

Thanks friends!

Fern said...

oh mim.

studio lolo said...

When I read your post I had to double check to make sure I hadn't written it. I feel your pain intensely!
I hope you have time to take a deep breath and sort things out. There's a balance there somewhere. Be kind to yourself Mim. You don't need to be superwoman to those who love you :)
Sending you a bubble bath by candlelight and your favorite wine.
XX

Lynn said...

I am so relieved that you did not include blogging in your list of things to maybe have to give up. I would miss you greatly.

Maybe stop the daily posting, blogging, drawing...and do it still but less often? Just a thought. It is hard to divide life up so.
Like right now, I am listening to the news from the TV in the next room, while blogging and following blogs and I want to be at my sewing machine, where I will go next. The dishes are piled in the sink, the dishwasher needs to be emptied and dishes put away, but that is last on my list of important things to do!

Good luck with your stress reduction decision.

I don't want you to burn out!

Mim said...

I simply could not stop blogging! Maybe cut back? Perhaps - but I really look forward to the interaction, feedback, discussions I find with my friends.

Ah well...it'll all work out I'm sure

MuseSwings said...

Mim - Thought I was reading about me there for a minute! Those moments for self and soul are so important. Even fun things like a weekend getaway can be stressful otherwise! The Good Dr. West is in and his latest discussion is Nerve Exhaustion - just what the Dr. ordered.