I came home from T'Giving "vacation" a week ago and somehow the week seems like it went by in a flash, and in other ways - a lifetime. Nothing has gone as predicted, so why predict?
Mr. T was supposed to come home Friday - for that reason (and others) I cancelled plans with a friend (you know who you are), came home to find out that MIL was still in ICU, not doing too well, and Mr. T was going to stay. It was OK, nothing wrong with a Friday night at home. And Saturday the boys came over and we went to the movies - action film, no deep thoughts - yes! And a little bit of lovely snow.
Now I've dropped them off home again. Mr. T is actually on his way home. House is clean and welcoming - but we still don't know when MIL will get out of the hospital, or what is actually wrong with her now - aside from recent surgery. I have to go back down there to either bring her home, or help get her set up with help in the house.
I don't begrudge helping her, but she is afraid and nervous, and hence uncooperative and prickly. She's been nagging at us all, - who is going to help her? How will she get home? Where are her clothes? All the "don't worry it'll work out's" are not working but at this point we have no real answers. She may have to go back to a rehab until better. She may have to stay in hospital until well.
I haven't drawn a thing this week, and usually I carry my pad with my where ever I go. I am knitting more, which is a way of getting some control, with all the counting and easy to see progress. I haven't been blogging. I haven't been commenting (much)
At this point I am just venting, but the worry is in the back of my mind. Perhaps she won't be able to live alone again. Perhaps we will have to move her into assisted living. My very strong, indominable MIL is showing weakness that neither I nor Mr. T have ever seen before. I worry for her, for me and mostly for her son, my hubby. He has an aunt still living but she's old also, and not in good health. I have a large family and can't imagine being the last one standing. What a lonely thought.
Ah well. Onwards....
12 comments:
My heart goes out to you, it is stressful, depressing, confusing and painful to know what and when to handle these situations. I hope that you and your husband are fortunate to find people and places to help you with all your decisions. Hang in there.
Ain't it hard great God, Ain't it hard...my mind dredged that up from some song...but it is...You know that I know...
Hugs to both of us. LOL
INclued your Mr. T in the hug too, and my cousins, who will undoubtedly be standing long after it's my turn. I won't be the last one standing. Yesterday, I could see the benefits of dementia, when you get to the place where nothing much is familiar and the dead are alive again and in your field of inner visions............not so bad.
I mailed your beautiful Chanukah card off to my son and his wife today. (well tomorrow mail)...
I hope they appreciate it, I think they will.
I hope for good things for your MIL. I wonder if my aunt and uncle will make it out of the rehab center to get to assisted living. Their days of complete independence are over now.
so sad...
the next stage of life...
mim, i'm sure that friend you had to cancel with understands completely. and i'm with lynn i know too. it is that time of inbetween when it's not quite this and not quite that,or it's not yet clear if it's this or that.
you and tony cannot continue like this indefinitely. at some point you will know what is best to do.
i am so sorry this is so straining and draining, and of course it is that and more.
i hope you do what you can not only for your MIL but for yourself.
love
kj
I feel for you and am sending strenthening thoughts your way and will pray for you and your family. I don't even know if you are the praying kind, but hope it will help to know we care about you.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I worry for you. Take care of yourself. Don't worry about us. We will be here when you need us.
Mim-I'm trying to clear my mind to give you wise thoughts here. It IS hard, as a child, when you realize that your parent is gone-that the roles have finally been reversed. It's hard for the parent too.
The best way is to do it as you are doing it-face it, realize it's painful, feel the pain and do it anyway. Running away from it is never good-because, in this case, sad but true-there may not be enough time to regroup and come to it slowly.
I see my own brother shying away from the uncomfortable truth of our parent's age, and I also see a time when he won't have the memories that I've been building over the past couple of years.
No matter what her faith or beliefs are, your MIL will appreciate you and T by her side during this next stage of life. She may not always be able to express that, but I know she will be glad you are both there for her.
This is one of those weird circumstances that can't really be "fixed", but making the most of it is a lesson in and of itself-and not a bad one to learn.
oh Mim, such well founded concerns.
I think your MIL is so lucky to have her son and his loving wife. None of what you've done for her has gone unnoticed, I'm sure of that. I agree with the others, she's struggling with the changes too.
These times seem like the hardest for so many of my friends. What's up with that? What is going on in this universe, really?
I honestly think it's our age and it's our time to have these experiences.
Big hugs to you, Mr. T and his mom.
I'm sorry we missed each other this weekend. I know we'll meet soon and have a blast ;)
Word veri is: sentanel
Close enough! That's what you've been to your MIL ;)
xoxo
Times of transition, so difficult as so filled with uncertainty on many levels. You are so good to MIL and she sounds so confused and stressed. You are doing all you can and far more. Is Mr T MIL's only child? Be sure a nd take care of you. Big hugs, Suki PS just received the pkge of books today. Oh my, amazing. You havent been doing nothing! Your pages are wonderful. Thanks, suki my WV word is FERVID
We went through something similar with my Mother last year and then she surprised us all and got better meaning she was able to live on her on again. We were so grateful. I'll be hoping for the same for your MIL.
Mim it is so hard. Incredibly hard.
My Mom just got out of the hospital on Friday and her breathing is so bad, it feels like she will end back in there.
She has homecare set up but I think that she needs more.
An assisted living would be good. She does not want to stay with anyone.
Love Renee xoxo
Mim, I'm so sorry about your MIL, it really get tough in a situation like that, we went through it with my Mom and you can only do the best you can do. Hugs to you!
I'm thinking about you too, Mim.
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