Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Another Rainy Day

Yes to all you poor people in the south, it is raining here again. Pouring actually. I know that you haven't had rain in months and I feel bad for you all for a few reasons, the biggest is the drought - that's not fun. But the second reason is one that Michele pointed out, which is how lovely a rainy day can be. One is almost forced into a home cuddle session, with a good book and a fireplace. I do love those days, and love to not have to worry about doing chores, or pretending to be busy outside. Snowy days are like that also, only softer and prettier. And just to gloat a bit more...I don't have to drive into the city in this mess. I didn't have to watch the traffic report this morning! hurray again.

Kerstin also asked me a good question in my post on scary things, she asked if I told my parents about my fears of war as a child and the answer if NO. I would never have had this type of conversation with my parents, it was just understood that I should learn to be stoic about fears and work them out for myself. My parents were very loving, but different from the rest of my extended family in that they were a mixed religion marriage and there was alot of anger in the family about that. I think that I felt that my role was to be a good child and there was nothing that I would do to rock the boat, and expressing fear would have directed too much attention to me, along with alot of "get over it" and "what's wrong with you?" from aunts and uncles. I look at my niece today and see the open relationship that she has with her parents and I just don't know which way is better. My niece has been having trouble going to school, and has taken most of the year off so far. Stomach pains, and anxiety etc. Her parents are very supportive, and we all talk about this openly, and she has alot of professional support..but I know that I would never have even told my parents about this kind of anxiety. I just would have sucked it up, and gone to school - I would never have even thought that there was an option. Is it better for my niece to have the option to stay home? Is she missing an opportunity to learn to draw on her inner strength and work thru her fears? Is it better that she is learning professional tricks to control anxiety?

I remember once telling my mother that one of my aunts "didn't like me". Moms answer was immediate, "your aunt loves you" and that was the end of the discussion. When I think about it today I do wish that mom had taken the time to really hear what I was saying - my aunt did love me but she didn't approve of our family, my parents marriage, our temple (reform not conservative or orthodox) and everything about our little family. I was trying to tell Mom that her sister just didn't like us all! Would it have made a difference if Mom had listened? Who knows. What could she have done about it anyway. We were stuck in the middle of a religious, straight laced family who did EVERYTHING together - I guess it just would have made things more difficult for the family to have this out in the open.

I truly don't know the answer to these questions. Probably there is no "right" answer, but I know that when I was a kid, if you gave into or expressed your fears, you would get the shit beaten out of you one way or the other. I chose to ignore it all, read all the time, and get the hell out of Dodge as soon as I could.


Debra Kay said...

How alike we are Mim. Only I chose to come back after making good my escape. If I learn anything vital, I'll let you know.

Like you, I've come to realize that they did the best they could with what they had. I think our generation may be the first to learn at an earlier age that our parents are not Gods-they are fallible people. Maybe that's why we created so many Gods-because we needed something infallible.

Michele said...

I know it's going to sound weird but I feel relieved to read your posts. I was raised exactly the same way and I often feel like I'm the only one. I remember once not getting invited to a birthday party that everyone else got invited to. I was so upset and my mom basically told me to suck it up and move on. I know Deb is right, they did the best they could with what they had, but it doesn't make it any easier trying to share those feelings and emotions with people today. Maybe that's why blogging is so addictive : )

Mim said...

Michele, I certainly agree that blogging opens up doors that we would normally ignore. Finding people who have the same experiences is very enlightening. So...what are you going to do when Zoe doesn't get invited to a birthday party? It's tough isn't it.

Forever Young said...

i, too, got out of 'dodge' fast, and never went back, only in my mind!my mother used to say' children are to be seen and not heard!'

Debra Kay said...

LOL-Used to say as in the past? This is an actual conversation I had today.
Me "I've had a rough day"
Mom "You brought it on yourself"
Me "You haven't even heard about my day yet"
Mom " Oh".....

It was so sad and funny I just cracked up laughing and so did she. At 7 or 17 I would not have found it so funny.

ElizT said...

I could talk for hours about this but without useful conclusions! It has been good to read your story.