I'm still around....

I'm still in Florida at Mom's house, cleaning, helping etc. But in order to get on the internet here, with my computer (cause her's is 8 years old and cranky) I have to turn off her computer...unplug the ethernet cable, then the modem power, then unscrew the co-ax cable, then redo everything to hook up to my computer and get internet access. And usually once I have done that someone comes in and says "I need to check my email for an important message" - arghhhh!!!!

I am going home on Saturday and am looking forward to being in my own house again...

It all worked out - no surprise

We had Dad's funeral on Sunday and yes, Mom insisted on seeing him one more time. Fortunately the funeral home had fixed him up a bit and made him presentable...it didn't look like dad but that was good also. Mom began to really realize that her great love was gone. We cried, said a few prayers, cried and then that part was over.

The Rabbi did a nice service, tons of people came - which Mom loved - and my DH did a eulogy that was beyond touching. He is the quiet one in the family and everyone was touched at the depth of his emotions.

About 80 people back to the house (thank goodness we had bought a ton of food) so Mom was totally occupied, more people came yesterday so she is having lots and lots of company.

She seems a bit less lost - I'm sure it's because we are all here and the funeral is over. I'm hoping that she continues on this path on a slow but sure journey out of sadness..

We are going home tomorrow and I don't really want to go. While I am here, there is family around and I know that the finality of going home will hit me hard - I'll miss Dad more when I am away than when I am here. But we all know that we have to keep our lives moving forward.

You all have left such helpful and thoughtful comments - and I can't tell you how much it all helps. I especially like the advice about whether mom should see dad before the funeral. Your comments made me slow down, think things thru a bit differently and go a bit more with the flow.

You are all not "blogging friends"....but just "friends"!

Thank you all,

Love and kisses and hugs to you all,

Mim

Grief

What a terrible title for a post - but this is an interesting problem/issue/feeling etc.

Dad died on Thursday AM. Because of laws with death certificates etc, we could not get the grave opened by Friday. You can't bury in a jewish cemetary on Saturday so that leaves Sunday for the funeral.

4 days is too long.

Jewish funerals don't have a wake or a viewing or any of that but I can see the need for that type of thing if you aren't having the funeral the day afterwards, or even two days after. 4 days is too long to wait with no rituals, no place to go, and nothing to do. No closure.

Mom wants to see Dad "one more time" - and we are not "prepared" for that if you know what I mean. If we had had the funeral right away, we would not even be having the discussion. We are worried sick that she will insist on seeing him, be horrified and more stressed. She is way deep into grieving - and we're all worried about leaving her alone after a few weeks.

I guess we'll see how it goes, but all I can say is "oy". I might even call the rabbi for some advice - altho' mom is not the most religious person - in fact I wish she were more religious so that she could have some comfort from that quarter.

Logic isn't working and we are considering saying "no - you cannot do that". But then she will resent our interferance. Right now we feel that we are dammed if we do...and dammed if we don't.

Any advice?

Vigil Over

Dad died peacefully this morning, with no fanfare, no last words - just a quiet exhalation. It was time and he was ready.

We had brought him home last night, thru Hospice, and into his own bedroom. He had a few uncomfortable moments last night and he kept telling us that he wanted to die. (he was not completely mentally with it, but enough to know where he was) We told him that we understood and were kind and gentle, but he got mad at us! Told us that he wanted to die and that we needed to give him a pill. Stefanie and I told him that we couldn't do that, but that we would help keep him comfortable. He got angrier at us and said "well, give me a gun!". We had a good laugh at that. My brother finally gave him some meds to calm him down, but Dad kept asking for a "pill". When we told him that Jon had already given him a pill - he was quiet for a few minutes and then said "well, give me two pills".

He had congestive heart failure, which really wasn't diagnosted until this past week. He only had a few days of knowing that things were pretty grim - which was good. All of his kids were at his side when he passed - amazing in this day and time.

Oh Dad - you were my ally in this family and I'm going to miss you. But I'm glad you're not suffering anymore, and hopefully are out walking Ping Lee our old pug and your lifetime dog.

Thank you all for your comments, warm wishes, hugs, thoughts and prayers. It means so much to share this with all of you, to know that others have gone thru this and have had similar experiences. It is an amazing process -

Vigil

Dad is home...with hospice care.

It's a vigil.

Awful, yet something that has to be done.

We have no idea how long this will last.

Hopefully not long, for his sake.

Thinking of all of you who have gone thru this recently.

Mim

Being 95

Becoming 95 is quite an achievement - especially for someone like my dad who lived on whiskey, chocolate covered doughnuts and cigarettes his whole life. He's survived polio, scarlet fever, diptheria, three types of cancer, rabid dog bite, and a broken back.

So are we surprised that he has heart failure now? no- not really and are not expecting miracles. But the old guy is tough as nails - and keeps up the fight. This morning he spent a bit of energy telling me how to divide his things - but that I really shouldn't worry about it as he would be home soon.

We don't think so...

We'll see how the next day or so goes.

Family is rallying - all dad's kids will be here by tonight - and that's a wonderful thing. His son in law is here (my very own DH) as well as close friends and family. What more can one want???

Monday dad in hospital wish I could mobile post!!:(

Tuesday - I got down to Sarasota last night - dad barely knew I was there. Looked like he was not long for this world. Brother came. Husband arrived. Sister coming tonight.

Got an early morning phone call today - woke up with my heart in my throat - thinking the worst.

It was Dad on the phone, demanding to know where everyone was and when could he have his orange juice.

What the h...?????

Surprise for Valentines day

For Valentines Day - DH gave me a nice weekend away - down to our favorite island - Martha's Vineyard. It was a crisp clear cold weekend - perfect for a weekend getaway to our favorite spot.

This is the outside of the inn we stayed at. Not overly fancy- but quiet and comfortable.

The upstairs hallway.

The fireplace in our room
Fancy big bed - not so comfy but it did for the night.

Harbour view

We walked around, lots of the galleries were open and I snapped a photo of this famous photo by Eisenstadt - I think it's of children at a puppet show. There are a series of these pictures and they are amazing. Look at the expression of that little girl in the hat - it's astounding how this guy captured these moments.

One of my favorite things to do is walk around and look at the houses on this island. There were so many whaling captains houses, - big houses, and little bungalows. Here is one that was almost hidden behind other houses.


This one was great, with it's sort of false front. The house entrance is on the side.

Look at the top half window's with their half shutters. Lovely detail.

This is a cozy little cape - I coveted it. Classic MV look - shingled and small, and cozy. Just my style.
Another tiny house that I just loved - my favorite are these little houses.
Tree root - doesn't it look like a foot, with the big toe turned outwards?

A little lane - leading to other little lanes.

Ocean view. Just look at that sky and the ocean. Such an amazing day.
New Englanders are so optimistic and realistic. The porch ceilings are often painted blue - I always liked that.

A harbor view...
Home again.
Thanks DH - it was a wonderful weekend, peaceful, quiet and gently relaxing.

Zen 5

More about Facebook

I joined FB cause - I don't know why. I just did. Then my friend from grade school found me (we're still in touch after all these years, but she saw me on FB) and she had contacted one other friend and I contacted her. (still following me?) I kept looking at other people's profiles and thinking "how can they have so many friends? i"m so unpopular, i only have three friends". Then I found miss switchsky - who in her sweet and kind manner made me her friend, and then Kirsten..and then Ellis.. and DebraKay....and others from the blogging world. Great. Safe. Good.

THEN - the floodgates opened. Brooklyn came back in spades. TONS of people from what I consider the "old country". Girls who had flips in their hair when they were on the beach - I was always so jealous. Cute bathing suits. Squealed so good when attached by cute boys. Everything I wasn't - or don't remember that I was. Girls who "stole" my boyfriends. Girls I like, and didn't like. Guys I liked who liked me. Guys who were friends. Guys who were too cute to talk to.

It's nice to find people. It's nice to see that most of them are still alive, most still living in Brooklyn or Long Island with kids, and summer houses. Have been invited to a get together (Hilary - I'm NOT going without you) in NYC in two weeks. Don't think I'll go. I left Brooklyn a lifetime ago. I could have stayed and married a mechanic called Tony. Instead I moved away, and married a graphic designer named Tony. I could have big hair...nah - not with this mop. I could be walking down the street in tight jeans, and stilletto heels. Nope - still doesn't feel right.

I just don't know about this FB thing. Like I said, there are a few people that I'm happy to have found and to be in touch with. I'm glad to talk to Hilary and Dale and John, and blogging buddies - But right now I'm happy with my blog, open with my thoughts and feelings here. I'm going to cautiously watch that space, and see what happens. I'll keep ya posted.

Six Word Saturday

Facebook is freaking me out - yikes.


Have you jumped on the Facebook wagon? I just did and it's like the cracks in my life - which were nicely sealed - have broken wide open again with all the people who are coming out of the woodwork. Old friends from Brooklyn, from Church and Flatbush hangouts. First boyfriend. Richie from around the corner. Mostly it's Brooklyn people so far, but college people are starting to show up.

Since I mostly live in a dream world, to me there were all just dreams - not reality anymore. Does that make sense?

I like the connection with recent friends - and some people that I will always love (yes, you Hil) but wow - Frankie Krupit????

I'm watching this tentatively. But being the voyeur that I am, I can't help but poke around in places that bring bad odd memories. But perhaps I can put some of those old wierd memories to bed. for good.

Illustration Friday - Celebrate

Celebrations! After a vigorous self improvement regime, Miss Em went shopping at the local fancy story and bought a new bunch of clothes.

She was quite happy to see her new reflection in the mirror and celebrated her new self.

Miss Em and Mr Tee dance the night away.
Getting ready to go on a few days vacation - Hurray!!!!!
See you all when she returns.

More meetings....

Done with materials to hand at work. Highlighting markers. Regular work pens. Odd looks from co-workers.

Luscious

Oh, I so want one of these 1940's dresses.

Brown paper artwork

Brown paper bag and markers. Can't get the scanner to show the actual lines at the bottom, but they do anchor it.

Fun

Animal Wednesday and a new addiction

Go here to see why I am in tears (of happiness) this morning. I can't even speak.

Wimpy Animal Wednesday for me - I have had no time to draw or even think about it this week, so I may have shown this canary before...but I like him...he's cheery and friendly right?


In the bird theme, this is one of those decorative birdhouses that I made when I first started
"doing" art. I copied pictures from one of those "how to" books and decoupaged and painted. I remember thinking - "wow - this adventure could be fun" and it certainly has been.

Okay, now for my new addiction. I have lots of conference calls to listen into, some of which I don't say a word. So my little 3.5x3.5 cards and a black drawing pen are coming with me to do zentangles (mimtangles? worktangles?)

Happy Animal Wednesday to all my animal loving friends

I'm getting sentimental

Grace and I went out to dinner last week with Brian - one of her twin boys - my adored nephews who are now 16 years old - they tower over me - but are two of the best, sweetest nicest kids I know.

Yes, I'm biased but who cares.

I'm going thru old pictures for a project and found this one of the twins when they were about 1. Brian is the one on the right, with the balder head ( ooh, I loved that bald head - it was so delicious). He was a shyer child, he really had to know you before he would even "speak" to you. Of course, he knew me from the day he was born so I was lucky (in more ways than one!)

I keep this picture on the windowsill in my office area, and have been looking at it and smiling for a few weeks. When we went out to dinner, Brian ordered a root beer and watching him drink it gave me such a shock. It looked like a real beer, and it struck me how grown up he is getting and how it really, actually does feel like yesterday that they were tiny babies. The time has gone by SO fast, I never knew what people meant when they said that. The reality of them as grown up is accepted, I truly realize it - but there is a piece of me that still sees them as babies, and little boys. Now when my mom tells me "you will always be my baby" - I totally understand what she means. It's not that she doesn't accept or love me as a grown woman - it's that it was yesterday for her that I actually WAS her baby. Does this make any sense to anyone???

So here is Brian posing for a photo with the root beer. I had to take it to show Uncle T.

We all had a lovely night, out to a nice restaurant, chatting about nothing in particular, just happy to all be together.


Another old photo - Grace an I in MUCH younger years - wow - we were babes!

I am so lucky.

My first zentangles

I heard about Zentangles thru Teri but thought it was a made-up-word for her neat artwork. Recently she mentioned the website, so I went and review the theory. What is funny is that I have been doing these for years - mostly in boring meetings, but never knew what I was doing had an official name.

So today I cut up some paper to 3.5 x 3.5 - grabbed my pen and started. Here are my first 4

It really is relaxing and fun.

AWARD

I love blogger awards. We are all so generous with each other, supportive, giving, talking, helping.

Ms Soulbrush gave out this award to some of her blogger friends (and she has many) and it made me think of the first time I "met" her on line. Her son, the ever clever Mr. P, posted some pictures of his ma, who was knitting using sliced up plastic grocery bags and I thought - WOW, I like this lady. Then I stared reading her blog, and she came to mine and we tentatively "met" each other...and it's all uphill from there! Last April I had the wonderful opportunity to meet up with SB, her hubby and the famous SNUFFLES - when I was over in London. We recognized each other right away....big hugs...and non-stop talking for over an hour. I was flying home the next day (dad was sick, we needed to get full time help in yadda, yadda) and SB was going to dinner at her son's house. But it was a momentous occasion, and I hope to be able to meet up again some day.

This award goes to everyone that reads this blog. You're all great friends.

six word saturday

Thought I'd give this a chance.

For this Saturday - which is warmer than it has been in weeks

"Got to get outside and walk"

New little Project and CED

I was told that you could use your Mac to make a book right out of the iPhoto application.

So I did!

It wasn't totally easy but within two days I assembled two books - a hardcover one and a softcover one. I really did this as a test sample for the book I am making for my cousins son - a book or family pictures and recipes - for his upcoming marriage.

So to test the concept, I used alot of my Miss Em pictures and tried the big hardcover version and a smaller softcover version.


Maybe you can see the slide show above - wow - I didn't know I could upload it like this.

After I get the books, if they look decent - I'll be giving one away, with that random drawing thing that everyone is using, let me know if you would like one and I'll put your name in the magic hat.

Animal Wednesday - fishes

I call this "Fish with Funny lips". Combination watercolor, and colored pencils and Inktense pencils. The lips - well, I despair of them - next time they will be better.
The top post is "auto correct color" in Photoshop. The one below is no autocorrect. Which one do you like better?

HAW (fishy version) to all the animal lovers out there

Tuesday - CED - new watercolor paints

One thing I love is getting up really early and having the house to myself. I can blog or watch TV, drink coffee etc. Not that I don't like it when DH is around but it's different - you know?
I get most of my blogging done at 5:00 am - the downside of that is that I am often one day behind with catching up.

DH gave me a gift certificate to Blicks for Christmas so I got a few things - and these three new tubes of watercolors. I don't have tubes of WC, and thought I should start with these since they are supposed to be good. I did read a review afterwards that said that these are NOT the greatest watercolors but oh well....Since everyone says that "you can make any color with the three primary's I decided to start with those. Not sure if I got the exact right ones.

So I've been playing with these. The colors are very intense - and a weeny, tiny bit of paint is needed for intense color. Since I've been using Inktense pencils , I am used to a much more controlled watercolor experience. These do their own thing on paper, at least I don't know how to control them yet. They spread and wander and I want to learn how to take advantage of that effect. I am investigating watercolor class - a friend has been taking class with a local teacher and does beautiful work.

Here are some round things that I was playing with. What is supposed to be purple comes out more of a brownish purple - not sure why.

...playing with drawing with the brush. Fun for me - never did this before.
I am working on a fish picture which may or may not work out. I think that from here I will go to a more controlled look. Wish I hadn't painted the background.

This is a "walking fish" picture that I am giving to my sister if I can figure out how to ship it to her in Italy. She liked the silly idea of walking fish and I think she'd like this. She lives in Italy, so I can't send it framed since that would be a fortune and probably get broken in transit. The Italian postal system is very unreliable, so I may send it DHL or Fedex.

Still having fun - and that's worth alot.

Sweater redux

The overlarge, loosely knitted sweater went from this:

...to this. Happily I unraveled and rewound and learned that sometimes overly loose knitting really makes for an unhappy sweater.


So a smaller size will be knit - tighter knitting - and hopefully it will fit in the end. Either way...I'm having fun doing and redoing.

CED - Words

What I like about Creative Every Day is the challenge to think a bit outside the box. For Feb - the goal is to use words. I took Sticky back canvas and wrote letters diagonally - in a gold ink which I hoped would be resistant to the paint. (it wasn't completely resistant, but did show thru). Then I painted the canvas with a few colors. Then I stamped words in white. Then some additional color. Then tissue paper over it all, and I printed a recipe on the paper. Then went to print a photo over the recipe print, but it printed in the wrong place. So I printed the photo again, still couldn't get it where I wanted it but made the best of it. Added more color and stamps and the words on the slide (gotta fix that adhesive it was supposed to dry clear) - and the bird. Why the bird? Well, since this is a picture of my grandmother who always wanted to be a bird and actually visited us once as a bird (story somewhere in this blog) I always think of Grandma and birds.

Anyway I had fun.

A few other things I have been trying for CED - am trying hard to use mediums that I don't usually use. These are paint and markers on bristol board.

I may have shown Mr. Stubble head before, but here he is again.


Miss Em - looking for a way out down a new road.

Don't ask me who he is.


Doodles - actually more to do on this. Kinda looks like kidneys and roses to me.