Thursday, February 19, 2009

Vigil Over

Dad died peacefully this morning, with no fanfare, no last words - just a quiet exhalation. It was time and he was ready.

We had brought him home last night, thru Hospice, and into his own bedroom. He had a few uncomfortable moments last night and he kept telling us that he wanted to die. (he was not completely mentally with it, but enough to know where he was) We told him that we understood and were kind and gentle, but he got mad at us! Told us that he wanted to die and that we needed to give him a pill. Stefanie and I told him that we couldn't do that, but that we would help keep him comfortable. He got angrier at us and said "well, give me a gun!". We had a good laugh at that. My brother finally gave him some meds to calm him down, but Dad kept asking for a "pill". When we told him that Jon had already given him a pill - he was quiet for a few minutes and then said "well, give me two pills".

He had congestive heart failure, which really wasn't diagnosted until this past week. He only had a few days of knowing that things were pretty grim - which was good. All of his kids were at his side when he passed - amazing in this day and time.

Oh Dad - you were my ally in this family and I'm going to miss you. But I'm glad you're not suffering anymore, and hopefully are out walking Ping Lee our old pug and your lifetime dog.

Thank you all for your comments, warm wishes, hugs, thoughts and prayers. It means so much to share this with all of you, to know that others have gone thru this and have had similar experiences. It is an amazing process -

21 comments:

Melissa and Emmitt said...

oh mim
i am so sorry for your loss.
what a beautiful post and tribute to your dad.
i am thinking of you and your family.
xoxoxo
m

Artist Unplugged said...

Mim, I am soooo very sorry for your loss, I am glad that your dad was ready to go, it is a difficult time I know. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is an amazing process. You will feel a huge void, especially since he was your ally in your family. Often times, unforeseen and unexpected blessings come from a bad situation. I hope this to be true for you for you. It was wonderful that all of you were with him. God bless and be strong....

Lynn said...

I sit here reading this with tears in my eyes...for you, for your dad's difficult moments yesterday...and family...
and feeling the relief that I know comes at this time after the fact, after the person is gone...
but knowing too since it is your father, your dad, and you were that close to him, your "ally"...that you will grieve now...well, sigh, I send my condolences, my warm thoughts and caring hugs your way Mim...for the days ahead. I hope it is filled with mostly good good memories.

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Having been thru this with both my parents, I can put myself in your shoes and know how your feeling. Relief for his pain to be gone and sadness for your loss. At least he knew you were there and that must have been a comfort to him. My heart goes out to you and your whole family at this time of sadness.

Fern said...

Here with you Mim.
all my love..

Mim said...

Thank you all, I have such blessings with my family - we are all there for each other and for mom. Lots of tears - my folks were married for over 60 years...but even as I write this I can hear my brother showing mom some new shoulder excercises for her to keep in shape. Go mom!

Call Me Cate said...

I just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts.

sukipoet said...

Im sorry mim, yet glad that your day passed away with all of his loved ones around him. How sad it will be for you, this new life without your Dad's actual presence, though he will be present in your memories and thoughts and in your physical body too in that he provided part of your makeup. that seems a bit of a weird way to put it, but maybe you know what I mean. My prayers are with you, my thoughts. Hugs. Suki

differenceayearmakes said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost both of my parents and my grandmother a few years ago. But it sounds as if he were ready to go, and what can we do but honor their wishes. Grace and blessings,

kj said...

mim, my blessings to you and your family. my dad died at home with hospice and i stopped being afraid of dying. what a memory to have your whole family there with him and together.

i think there is a special club for children who have lost their parents, and all of us in it understand...

love to you mim.

Debra Kay said...

Oh Mim, what a special gift for you all to be there to give him a send off. John asked for help a couple of years ago, and I had to refuse him. It made the last few months of his life very hard for me, because I felt responsible for his being alive and in that condition.

I am sure Ping Lee was waiting to greet his master with great joy, and I can see them together now. I've said for a long time now if dogs don't go to heaven then I just want to go where they ARE.

Teri said...

Oh Mim,

To be there with him, see him shake his fist so to speak, and as you said, the fact that he only had a few days of knowing that things were pretty grim...Those things may not seem like blessings now, but as the days pass, I think you will find that they are memories you will be grateful for. And to have all his kids there, speaks volumes of the kind of father he was.

I know when my dad died, I was not able to be there, and it took me a long time to get used to the feeling he was not on this earth anymore. Somehow that sense helped keep him close to me and when didn't feel that anymore, it felt somewhat akin to watching a balloon float away.

When Mike died, I had him there with me for a while and it made me feel more like he was there, hand on my shoulder, in many of the rough times I have been through since his passing.

I hope being there with your dad will give you the same sense of peace.

Healing thoughts sent your way,

Teri and the cats of Furrydance

studio lolo said...

Oh my friend, I checked for a post from you as soon as I walked in the door.
There's nothing like being with a loved one who passes. It changes you somehow, but not in a bad way. How blessed he was to have all of you there, and how blessed you all were to be able to say goodbye.
And to laugh! How funny, "...then give me two pills."
And to cry knowing he left his body and all of you behind.

You didn't lose your ally Mim. You'll just have to connect in a different way now, but I'm pretty sure he's still there for you when you have those BIG questions and decisions. I could tell he was that kind of guy.

Love to you Mim, and condolences to you and your family. I feel through you we all got to know him just a little bit and to celebrate his 95th birthday, and now to celebrate his life.

xoxo
Lolo

ElizT said...

My sympathy too Mim, and strength for the days to come.

ksklein said...

Mim, sending my love to you. The post is wonderful and it seems it happened in the best possible way for all of you.

soulbrush said...

i checked as soon as i woke up,and knew what i'd find.dear mim, my deepest condolences to you and the whole family and your dear fragile mom.i will keep the thought of him and ping lee goiing for long walks together in my mind, as i find that a warm and comforting thought too.i wish you all long life and may he rest in peace. hugs.

Teri C said...

What a beautiful send off and tribute to your Dad. Even that close to death and he still had a sense of humor.

My prayers and hugs to you and your family.

marianne said...

Oh Mim..... I am in tears now , tears I have been holding down all the time........
I´m so sorry for you.
I just don´t know what to say right now.
everyone just know the right words, but I just feel so much sadness, probably a feeling you will feel a few weeks from now.
Take care Mim .....
Dear Mim,a very warm hug from me!
>M<

Karen Mowrey said...

Oh Mim, so sorry to hear this but what a guy! Hospice and the love of the family are amazing for support. May your heart rest easy now knowing he is at peace. Many blessings to you and your family!

hiddenart said...

Peace and grace to you, Mim.

Loretta said...

I am just catching up with your sad news, Mim. My condolences to you and your family. May your father rest in peace and may God comfort you all!