Tuesday, February 24, 2009

It all worked out - no surprise

We had Dad's funeral on Sunday and yes, Mom insisted on seeing him one more time. Fortunately the funeral home had fixed him up a bit and made him presentable...it didn't look like dad but that was good also. Mom began to really realize that her great love was gone. We cried, said a few prayers, cried and then that part was over.

The Rabbi did a nice service, tons of people came - which Mom loved - and my DH did a eulogy that was beyond touching. He is the quiet one in the family and everyone was touched at the depth of his emotions.

About 80 people back to the house (thank goodness we had bought a ton of food) so Mom was totally occupied, more people came yesterday so she is having lots and lots of company.

She seems a bit less lost - I'm sure it's because we are all here and the funeral is over. I'm hoping that she continues on this path on a slow but sure journey out of sadness..

We are going home tomorrow and I don't really want to go. While I am here, there is family around and I know that the finality of going home will hit me hard - I'll miss Dad more when I am away than when I am here. But we all know that we have to keep our lives moving forward.

You all have left such helpful and thoughtful comments - and I can't tell you how much it all helps. I especially like the advice about whether mom should see dad before the funeral. Your comments made me slow down, think things thru a bit differently and go a bit more with the flow.

You are all not "blogging friends"....but just "friends"!

Thank you all,

Love and kisses and hugs to you all,

Mim

16 comments:

sukipoet said...

Glad everything went well and such a show of love and friendship surrounded you all at the funeral and afterwards. For whatever reason I wanted one last look at mom before she entered the ground. For some folks, it is an important farewell step. Sounds like you are assessing your emotions well. I do think the focus of the time at your folks house keeps some of the quieter feelings at bay and that on the return home different thoughts and feelings will arise. Blessings to you and your family, Suki

kj said...

tsup.

Lynn said...

Wonderful that you were able to respect your mom's wishes and she was able to handle it...everyone is so unique in needs and wants at a time like this...(re the viewing). It sounds like dad got a grand send off, a true celebration of his life, lots of love, lots of caring, lots of tears, wonderful heart felt words...you are lucky to have a huge family and friends to surround you at a time like this...good for mom too...and yes, now the more individual/alone grieving begins...all a part of the process. My heart goes out to all of you...not an easy time...I send my hugs and love.
It's good to have friends everywhere at a time like this.
Keep writing. Drawing. Talking.
We are here to listen and hold.

studio lolo said...

Oh Mim, it sounds as if things just happened the way they were supposed to. The comfort of friends near and far always helps.
I'm happy to be a tiny part of it.
I know what you mean about this hitting you when you go home. It's like processing it twice, two perspectives. You may feel a bit surreal when you get home but perhaps talking to your family back there by phone will help ground you.
And your blogging family will still be here too, for all the virtual love and hugs you'll need or want.
How sweet of your DH to give the eulogy~not an easy thing to do. It's always the quiet ones that are our greatest support.
It will be nice seeing you get back into sketching and blogging and telling us tales of Ms. Em.
When you're ready Mim.
xo

differenceayearmakes said...

While funerals are sad events there is a good side, being surrounded with loved ones, the tremendous support, the necessary closure. I'm so happy that your mother was surrounded by so much love and support. Carry that love and light with you.

ksklein said...

I´m glad everything went okay.

Here we say that when a loved one dies, you don´t really realize it until about a year later. And many don´t really grieve before this time, because only then do they really realize that the other is gone.

Keeping you in my thoughts

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Sounds like everything went as it should. Now the time for healing will come. It isnt easy but time will help. I lost my Mom at 68 and my Dad at 78. I would have dearly loved having them live to 95. Take care of you now too.

soulbrush said...

mim, seems like it couldn't have gone better.i do worry about your mom when everyone leaves...is there any family near by? take great care of her now, she is fragile and all alone, and it will all 'hit' her slowly. when you are back home, i have given you an award, so please look at my post yesterday to find it. with lots of extra hugs today for you and dh and mom and the whole family.

marianne said...

I am glad everything turned out fine Mim!
I have just wrote a long comment and woohs lost it......
Now I have to try to reproduce it...
Glad your Mom found commmfort in all the company of loved ones who loved your Dad.
I can imagine that you don´t want to leave home and your mom. Reality will hit hard for all of you......
i miss my Dad and the thought of never seeing him or talking to him hits me now.....
I can only wish you a lot of strenght Mim and send you a warm hug from a distance from a heart which is near........

ElizT said...

What an achievement!
Wishing you comfort, Mim.

katie jane said...

I'm relieved that things went well for you all. This is such a stressful time for everyone. I hope your dear mother makes the necessary adjustments, difficult as they may be. I'm thinking of you and hoping you heal soon.

Debra Kay said...

Mim, for me, the preparations and the funeral service gave me something to hold on to while the shock was still there. The really raw grief comes later, in waves, but only as much at one time as we can stand. I remember thinking and probably blogging, that I was just tired of crying at random moments because I never knew when it was going to hit.

When you love someone dearly, for so long, and with such depth, it's only fitting that the grief should come in layers as well. When it happens, know that all is as it should be, and you will smile again, and when you do, your father will smile down upon you too.....

I'd like to think that maybe Uncle John is somehow welcoming your father-it seems fitting that two such fantastic men should be friends in the after life.

Artist Unplugged said...

Thankfully it appears all worked out well for the difficult situation. It is such a comfort to have such a large turnout that always confirms how much your loved one is cherished. It will be hard once the visits stop and when you return home. Truly, a day at a time will be all you can handle. I will be keeping all of you in my prayers. Thanks for sharing with us. Big Hug.

marianne said...

Still thinking about you.......

Michele said...

I am so sorry about your Father. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

human being said...

wish you a smooth journey through the grief...

the tough part is when everyone goes away and you are back to normal life... take care of yourself my dearest friend...

the happy part is that your father had a nice "full" life... this can warm your heart...

when i was nearly 20, i lost my 21-year-old elder sister... we were like twins... when the ceremonies ended, i just came to know what had happened... when people are around, it's as if everything is happening in a dream... it's not your life...

happy your mother could see your dad... and had a lot of dear ones around...
she still needs you to adapt...

lots of love